A Falling Away

“I am so busy”

I have always disliked that phrase and inwardly shuddered when friends or acquaintances have proudly tossed it about or thrown it down as a gauntlet ( I am busy, busy. I have a Life. What about.....you?) But in the past 3 months I have found myself inanely repeating it as an explanation to a life I haven't been able to control. And with the lack of control came my frustration...then condemnation...and finally desperation.

Really.

That is where I should have been in the beginning.

 Desperate.

Because we are all desperate. Desperate for the way, desperate for the love, and desperate for the savior. I had forgotten. How is that possible? I thought I could do it all---teach, clean, laugh, comfort, live, serve, cook, create, love.

This morning, I “accidentally” turned to my devotion in Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest:

"The apostle Paul could let his external life change without internal distress because he was rooted and grounded in God. Most of us are not consistent spiritually because we re more concerned about being consistent externally.”

It was dated November 25.

 But I needed to hear it today.